No matter which direction I run or vacation destination I might choose, there is no escaping the self. My problems from within follow me wherever I find myself. Each direction I turn, I encounter myself right there with me. It is a tough pill to swallow. The pill that is branded – ‘I am who I am, and I can never be anything other than what I am’. Even if my dislike for myself grows larger and larger with time, I am stuck with myself. There is little doubt that this is dangerous, as it is a growing dislike for the self without solutions. It’s self-defeating!
The thoughts might bounce around the mind that I do not want to be who I am, but wishing for me to be someone else is pointless. It is pointless because the thoughts don’t lead me to any action, as it leads me to self-hatred. I often wonder what the solution might be, and after much time, I have arrived at an answer my homeostasis does not like. It is first embracing myself and then bringing change! I realise that I must accept who I am, warts and all, and think about how I can improve myself. My thinking is if I improve myself, then I will not have a need to escape myself. However, where do I even begin? Just thinking about it is overwhelming me, as I see myself riddled with more problems than I could shake a stick at, and I have no stick! Perhaps I’m too harsh on myself and start creating more problems within me than what actually exists. I would be devoid of talent if I were different, which reminds me to learn something new to avoid embarrassment the next time someone mistakes me for being smart.
Now I know what I must do. I must first accept myself, so I begin by listing all that is wrong with me, which I must come to terms with. I only curse myself further by doing so. Right, I believe I’m off to a good start. Some berating and self-hatred to make me feel like giving up, er…I mean, to start improving myself. Note to self: do not berate and hate myself when I must accept who I am! Such beautiful words that one can make into a poem. However, poetry is not what I am in dire need of at the moment. What I need to do is to turn the words into action and fully realise them. It begins by reminding myself that I am human and will make mistakes. Once I make said mistakes, it will be about encouraging myself to make the necessary corrections to go from failing to succeeding.
I need to be mindful that there are many aspects of myself that I can change and aspects I cannot. It would mostly be the things I cannot change that I must accept rather than the things I can change.
With these revelations in mind, it is high time I take my sorry self off the beach and back to reality to face the very thing I cannot run away from. Is it I who must brace myself, or the self that needs to brace for my arrival? Most likely the self because I come baring a sledgehammer to do some remodelling and some acceptance, of course, but one must crawl first before they can run.
Loading ...