My story begins many moons ago when I was not but a child. Everything was sincerely blissful until that one fateful day. It was smooth sailing, and then I made a horrendous mistake by having my first thought. When I started to think, it all began to crumble apart. I had no way of knowing that my thinking would lead to what it has in my adult years, but if I had that foresight, I would have stopped myself from thinking all that time ago. Why would I want this? I desire this because I cannot turn my brain off! I cannot stop thinking, no matter how hard I try! I will wake up in the early hours already cast into deep thought about worldly affairs that are positively upsetting.
I have tried countless times to locate the off switch in my brain, but my efforts have proven to be largely fruitless. I do not believe my brain came with an off switch. My brain has the terrible habit of torturing me daily, and when I think it is over, my brain starts its torture once more. It matters very little what I am doing and where I am, as the creeping thoughts will always find their way into my consciousness. It would be great if the thoughts were free from emotion, subjectivity, and everything else that clouds reason. Oh! Right! I guess that would make me inhuman. It would be far easier if my thoughts were objective, but I have to spend more time dispelling all these silly little notions that take up residence in my head. Every thought must be worked through systematically in order to separate truth from untruth and uncover the prejudice and stigma within each notion. It takes up so much of my time, so much so that I curse my ancestors and the many around me who have filled my head with these prejudices that have been passed from generation to generation. I want to move past them already!
Dear reader, I take this time to have an intermittent break from myself. Please bear with me while my brain reboots. This code is red, and smoke is coming out of my ears. I will be with you once again shortly.
Thanks for your patience; it seems like my brain is fully operational once again. Once in a while, this brain overheats and has a meltdown due to all the thinking I tend to do. I would love to turn it off and vegetate, especially when I want to go to sleep. That is when my mind is really active. Sometimes, it will fool me into believing that the thinking has stopped and when sleep is about to pull me over to the other side, my brain decides it is time to get to work. Maybe if I deceived myself into thinking about sheep, I would find my way to Slumberland much quicker, but I know nothing about sheep. So, what could I possibly think about concerning sheep? You say I have it all wrong! I am not supposed to think about sheep; instead, I am supposed to count them. What? Do you think I live next to a farm where I can start counting sheep that are not mine? Maybe I should tally the books on my bookshelf! Hold on a minute, a book is missing, and thus, I commence a world-class rescue mission to find the poor little lost book at midnight. Now that the book is back in its rightful place, I can finally be at peace and wide awake. So be it! I shall think myself to sleep!
I know some people study their whole lives on how to turn their minds off. Now that I am in the ripe old age of my age, I can see the benefit of doing this. To stop thinking. Even prevent myself from getting tired from all the thinking, but then again, how does that help anyone? Who benefits if we all turn our minds off? What would it say about us as humans if we ceased our thinking?
Even if my thinking tortures me, I would sooner think than turn my mind off. Even though I legitimately want to turn this brain off of mine, and because I genuinely want to do so, I know I must continue to think. I must not cave into the part of me that wishes to vegetate, for that is a life with ease and nothingness. Think, and be moved by your thinking. Do, and become something. Stop wishing for others to do for you what you can do for yourself and others. Remember, you have to start rescuing yourself before others can attempt to save you. Finally, stop wishing for things to change and bring about that change you desire to see!
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