Taking the time to reflect on my past makes me realise just how far I have come. It has been a
journey fraught with much struggle, anger, frustration, and pain. As much as I regret a lot that is
behind me, I realise the choices made were the best at the time, no matter how much I might
question them. I decided in my youth to accept work at a corporate company that started well
enough because I was young and eager to perform. This eagerness led me to overlook
problems that existed within such an environment. These problems grew in size as the days
melted away. After many sleepless nights and a quick slip into a deep depression, I began
questioning accepting the job in corporate, which is difficult to do. It is challenging because we
are encouraged to live a particular way and embrace any line of work because it is essential for
survival.
There is a limit to this, as you can only accept so much before it becomes detrimental to your
health. If staying in a job is aiding in making me unhealthy, then what is the point of staying in it?
If I worked myself to death, people would remember me as that guy who worked himself to
death. Frankly, it is not a death I feel is worth dying, nor is it all that much of a legacy. I want to
die proud, not tired and in ill health! However, we cannot always get what we want, and if that is
the cards dealt in my life, then so be it, but it will not be by my own doing. I can accept what is
out of my control, even if my ego might think otherwise.
After questioning my job countless times and deriving answers I did not like, it was time to act!
Quitting had to be done, and I was going to do it! When I plucked up the courage to do so, which
took a week or two. I say courage due to wanting to look macho and brave, but the reality was
that I became more desperate to escape and that desperation led me to quit. I quit and looked
back only a few times over a few years, but that is regret for you! Why did I regret it? Regret
reared its ugly head because I did not fit the mould I was supposed to, and I felt like I was a
failure in the eyes of all those around me. My feelings of inadequacy drove me mad for many
years, and even to this day, I cannot help but feel like a failure.
After quitting my job, I decided to focus on my studies in order to see my degree through. When
I completed my degree, it was back to looking for another job. I cannot tell you the level of
excitement I was experiencing while looking for another job. Yes, it might have manifested in the
form of anxiety and stress, but do not be mistaken, as I can assure you that it was pure
excitement. I could not wait to start another job at another company that treated me like a piece
of machinery. I knew things would be different this time, as I had a secret weapon. My weapon
was age and less patience, which would amount to not caring as much and less capacity to take
the crap of others. When applied to the real world, it amounted to absolutely nothing.
It amounted to nothing because I hated my job, and no matter what my intention was, I knew it
would be pointless. I could not go against the world and the prevailing mentality within it. It is
rather simplistic, you see, more work for less pay. The expectations and working hours finally
sent me over the hill of good health, and I soon became sick. For the sake of money, I decided
to stick it out for more than three years. However, I knew I could not keep it up, and some
change was needed before it ended badly for me or those around me. So, to the surprise of no
one at all, I quit.
This time, it was different. How different? I wrote a coaching program for the company I partly
own. I can finally stand behind what I am doing with pride. After all, it is what I have been
studying for and dreaming about for many years. It is the desire and passion I was looking for
that I finally have in my grasp that I will use to accomplish what I’ve set out to. It is in the present
that I can say that I look forward to seeing what my future holds and where this journey takes
me.
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