I was very confident and sure of myself. I thought I saw all there was to see, but this was me merely being delusional. Time and time again, I encounter something new that I’ve never come across before. After my initial shock, my mind turned to the many questions I had about what I was witnessing. Questions with no answers or questions I will not like the answers to.
These situations we face come in all shapes and sizes and different sounds. I hear something new that makes almost no sense and think how impossible it must be for someone to think along the lines they do, but they really do! Even if I might reflect that it’s impossible to contemplate in such a manner, to someone else, it is their best thinking yet and clearly logical in every way. No matter how much I might try to convince them otherwise by stating that it’s not logical, they are simply confused and ask how it is not. My response is merely an Oh my word. That is right! This person standing right here, in such a moment as that, is hopelessly at a loss for words. I wonder how they cannot see and think what I do.
After the dust settles, I eventually find my words when no one is around to express them to, and the moment has passed once that person resurfaces. Not wanting to be that one person who brings up that one issue several hours later, I let sleeping dogs lie. Why only after the fact is my brain in the mood to process this information in a logical and concise manner? If only I would have spoken when the moment called for it, but I fail to accept that my brain was in category five meltdown and all residents had to evacuate at the time. No wonder I could only repeat a simple sentence over again, as the part of my brain responsible for language had already evacuated and left the emergency response on repeat. Due to the lack of meaningful words leaving my mouth, the conversation devolves into frustration for both parties, and I am most often the last one left standing there clutching bananas in my hands. Even though my social skills need much improvement, I am undeniably grateful that I have not started flinging my faeces at people.
What I am getting at here is that when I hear or see something I never thought I would in my lifetime or even wanted to, it reduces me to a less-than-stellar example of a human being, but I have good reason for this. You must understand that when my brain faces something it truly feels is illogical, it has a hard time processing what is happening before my very eyes. The questions populate my mind reproduce like rabbits, and my brain has no means of coping with this influx. With no clear resolution in mind, the brain decides to shut down and reboot in an attempt to get rid of those questions hampering its processes. Of course, this by no means actually works, and when all is said and done, I change each time as a person. Whether it is a good or bad thing does not matter at all, as I cannot do a damn thing about seeing and hearing things I have never encountered before. So, here is to the uncertain future and what it might bring. I am unsure if I should be excited or scared, so I choose both.
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