As someone who has always been interested in personal growth and self-improvement, I have often found myself asking the question, “When should I change something about myself, and when should I accept it as part of who I am?” It can be a challenging balance to strike, and one that I have struggled with at times.
There is no doubt that personal growth and self-awareness can be beneficial. I have seen the benefits in my life, and the same could be said for the consequences when I have ignored it too. When I have done it right, it has led to more fulfilling relationships, improved communication, and a greater sense of purpose and fulfilment. However, there comes a point where the pursuit of self-improvement can become harmful or be pushed too far.
In recent years, there has been a growing awareness of the dangers of toxic positivity and the pressure to constantly be improving oneself. Research has shown that constantly striving for self-improvement can lead to burnout, anxiety, and even depression. It’s important to recognise that it’s okay to have flaws and imperfections. This, in my view and with personal experience, can be a little harder to accept though. But the older I get, the easier it seems. And that wisdom comes from the years of experience and learning I have had.
Nobody is perfect, and striving for perfection can be a recipe for disaster.
At the same time, there are certain aspects of ourselves that we may want to change. Maybe we want to improve our communication skills, become more assertive, or work on our self-confidence. In these cases, it’s important to approach self-improvement in a healthy and balanced way.
One popular philosophy that speaks to this balance is the concept of “radical acceptance.” This idea, popularised by psychologist Marsha Linehan, suggests that we can learn to accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all, while also striving to make positive changes in our lives.
Ultimately, the decision to change something about ourselves or accept it as part of who we are, is a personal one. It’s important to take a step back and assess why we want to make a change. Is it because we genuinely want to improve ourselves, or is it because we feel pressure to conform to societal norms or meet others’ expectations? I have certainly used this question in many scenarios in the past and I believe it is good to always question why we are doing the things we are doing.
In my experience, the key is to approach self-improvement with compassion and kindness towards ourselves. To also keep a check on that constant “self-talk” in your own head that can get out of hand at times. It’s okay to make mistakes and have setbacks. We should celebrate our progress and be patient with ourselves as we work towards our goals.
I believe that self-improvement and personal growth can be valuable pursuits. However, we must also recognise the importance of self-acceptance. It’s okay to have flaws and imperfections, and we should strive to love and accept ourselves, while we keep working towards evolving as a person.
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